Saving Grace

"Prayer is not asking.  Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at his disposition, and listening to his voice in the depths of our hearts."

-Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

Lately,  when I pray I get this image of myself as a little kid sitting on Santa's knee.  I realize that I am just listing all of the things I want God to give me.  I go to Him over and over saying "I want this, and then this..".   As I prayed during Mass last night it occurred to me that all I really need to do is pray for God's grace.   God already knows all of the desires of my heart.  More importantly he knows what I truly need to get me closer to Him and ultimately, heaven.

I realize that this is not a new concept.  And I know that I have had this occur to me several times already.   Sadly, I go through life forgetting so many things all the time.  How to pray effectively, how to do sixth grade math, my kid's names, the list goes on.  So, every once in a while I think the Holy Spirit gives me a nudge back in the right direction.  In my spiritual life I have these amazing periods of inspiration and I feel God's grace flowing into me.  Other times I really feel stuck in that "spiritual dryness" that so many have spoken about.  When I get back on track I feel like I have to re-learn how to pray, listen and discern God's voice from my own.

"Prayer makes your heart bigger, until it is capable of containing the gift of God himself".

-Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

All of the things I've been praying for, peace, wisdom, patience, guidance, can only be obtained through God's grace.  His grace is not something I can earn,  I can only pray for it.  Wouldn't you know, the homily would turn out to be about how we can open ourselves to God's grace.  This happens so often to me;  God places something in my heart then drives home the point with a homily. Our priest talked about the sacrament of Reconciliation and the importance of making room for God's grace to enter our souls by cleaning out all of the sin that can make us "too full" to receive God's gifts.

Okay, message received.  I really need to get to confession.  I guess this is why I feel like I've been praying and praying and feeling like no answers are coming.   I know all things come in God's time but lately I've been feeling especially "blocked" from the answers I usually get through prayer.  So, next stop, the confessional.  In my heart,  all I really want is to be pleasing to God.  By His grace I hope to get there.

"Lord, lighten the heavy burden of my sins by which I have seriously offended you.  Cleanse my mind and my heart.  Like a bright lamp, guide me along the right path".

-St. John Damascene